p's wedding

heyo

was out with P yesterday distributing her wedding cards...i never thought i would be doing this at any point of time in life.....i do strictly believe this home hopping-giving card business is really a frivilous activity...i mean isnt a phone invite wth an email enough or simple...just courier all the invites.... but ha i was doing all this in person yesterday!!!!

it was fun meeting all ol' friends.......n remembering school days n catching up on lost out ones.....

well i have work to do..neither have i bought clothes for myself for the wedding nor a gift for her n just 12 more days to go..... n m here blogging off my time.... :)

life

Life is a wander maze. No matter how hard we try life takes its own course. At times good at times bad. Its good when it correlates to the prayers we have made and bad when its contradictory to what we have wished for. My heart breakes but only for a moment when I see a small child bare feet begging on the roads of the city bearing the chill. Its makes my dream castle crumble down and makes me question my soul. Do I have a right to ask for more? It makes me feel so small inside. Most of us consider ourselves as books of wisdom but how much do we know about life? Just a look at an old rickshaw puller carrying down two young girls down the street shakes me and I want to plan a future, plan a life???

I know a lot and yet I know nothing….nothing. I may have my degrees but I don’t know if I might choke in the next breath.

Many times I try to stop myself from asking from the almighty and see how life treats me just based on my work and my decisions. But I cannot practice it for long.
Life as I see is a series of steps, very well planned. The complexities are as real as the dark clouds or the deep blue sea. But they always take us somewhere, to some place, to some destination with a lot of de-learning, learning and re-learning along the journey. I would like to call it destiny.

Its like the rainbow that appears once in a while to rekindle that faith and beauty and replenish our thoughts with hope and desires once more.

black roses

what if your fertile land produces black roses....would you still cultivate and nourish it???

infinity

i wish i could explain
my thoughts
to you
the intricasies
the complexities
the wounds
the scars that wander around
every stubbornness has a reason
at times we need to go beyond words
to understand the meaning of abstractness
at times infinity also holds many answers

awesome weather

the weather has been just awesome since past 2 days...its getting colder....the woolens are out.....i
m taking the longer routes to get home...just to enjoy the cold breeze and watch people.....i dread winters but for this weather m just loving it!!!!!
missing someone....;)

my diary

Dear ....

Its been time that we have known each other. I never completely trusted you. There have always been unanswered questions about you in my mind. But still I wanted to trust you. Four of us have spent some really awsome mast times together be it hanging out at the malls or just walks....as u say 'great times spent'. I always knew that u have been hiding things from me. But i chose to ignore it and was glad that u were sharing those things with me that u culd not trust anybody else with. M thankful to you for keeping that faith in me. But you never let me do that with you.
But after that day I have lost all the respect that I had for you. The path that you have taken on is in absolute contradiction to my values. I cannot accept you like that.
I hate you.
I still wish that all of us be together again but I know that can never ever happen now.
We need to loosen our strings and let each other go our ways.
For the betterment and peace for all of us.

restaurants??

we were as usual hanging out and M suggested that we go for a proper meal in a good restaurant instead of getting into a fast food joint or a cafe that we usually do. I hated the idea. I am too hesitant of eating in these high end formal restaurants as I call them. The look and the ambience of it makes me uncomfortable though people love these. I would never enter a Ruby Tuesday or a TGIF or Mainland China. everything at these places comes to me as so structured and organised. I would pretty much be happy at grabbing a meal at Yo China or stare at people across glasses at Barista or CCD. These are places where i can be myself, laugh out loud and do just anything. love the feel of these places...casual, cool, bindass. Proper restaurants means sitting properly, well laid out napins and cutlery, somebody serving you, no messing up with food n ketchups..oh so boring.....well we go out to enjoy and have fun ...right!

Infact bestest moments with food have been roadside ones for me.....hot boiled eggs from the thale wala bhaiya on a cold winter night, steamed momos from the local kiosk, chatpati tikki from the ghar ke pass wala halwai, kathi rolls from kiosks again, matke wale chole kulche, khana from dhabas on highways, hostel ki gandi kitchen ki mast chai, canteen ki maggi....aha...kya mazaa ata hai.....churi kante se ac restaurant mein baith kar khane mein kya rakha hai doston.......enjoy the street food......slurp!

just updates.

there's a lot about me that nobody knows....nobody and i can not and do not want to expalin it to them . but i wish i could share.....i know i can share it with P but i do not have the guts to do so...dark secrets are difficult to open up....she would understand why i do not want to get married now.

i have started making stupid blunders again. its strange but this phase comes in , reoccurs . i start making mistakes n that too illlogical n stupid in nature which i myself cannot understand why and become a cause not of embarrasement but absolute stupidity and mindlessness. its making me feel guilty.

for friends- most of them have a constant complain. i make plans to meet up and call off at the last moment. at times it is mood swing , laziness but mostly its genuine reasons. i wish all my good friends could understand this. but those who do and still love me are my gooody goody friends...so what if i couldn't attend my best friends marriage....i know she understands or cancelled off major plans at last moments.....we all still in touch and going good.

i wish i could apply my brains a little more.

feeling too stressed out these days....lot of work and laziness leaves all my work unfinished and then i have to rush. result.....stress.

my hod is getting on my nerves these days...she's irking me...can't she be a better manager..it would ease off so much of work..but no..why would she do that...i m starting to hate her.

mad over donuts

I have always hated donuts….HATED….even the face of it….I hated lukn at them….it always seems such a heavy thing tooo sweet for the mouth with loads of chocolate dripped over it…..i luv chocolate in all its forms but somehow that liquid chocolate poured over donuts would make me feel puky…..seriously.

But from quite some time…people have been recommending me to have donuts from ‘MAD OVER DONUTS’. I was strolling at one of these happening malls in the city with O and we went into the food court without any intentions of binging on smthing. But right at the entrance we spotted MOD. We luked at it and then went on about insulting donuts to heights!!! After we had done our hatefill over donuts, I just mentioned how people have been praising MOD. He agreed in, we gave each other a witty smile and seconds later, we were at the MOD counter trying to choose our donut out of the so many kept there….i was trying to avoid the ones dripping with choc sauce but O insisted on having those ones…I wonder why….so after all that crappy insistence I went in for ‘nuts over donuts’…donut with choc sauce and beautifully covered up with loads of nuts and O choose a milky chocolate one….i have to agree that these donuts were really pleasing to look at as against the horrifying ones I have always had to lay my eyes on…..so we grabbed a seat and then grabbed the holey things into our mouths……and trust me the experience was heavenly…..the donuts were extremely fresh, warm and fluffy. The sweetness was just apt which is very rare….especially when it comes to sweet stuff…

And I relished every bite of that donut. O suggested for having another grab but I declined for it would have been too much…… m not too choosy with food….n neither m I a food lover….but I must say that m in love with these donuts….and I’ll be going in for a second time sooooon……..

my dads' really angry....

its been more than a week my dad and me havn't been talking.....he brought up the marriage issue again and i bluntly said no.....he just walked off in anger....and we havn't been looking in the eye since then......and i havn't slept this whole week.

all my life, all these years i have made every attempt trust me EVERY thing i can to not to annoy my dad. i have given up things he didn't like me doing be it about friends or going out or whatever. i wouldn't do things which i know he'll not like.....n i admit i havn't cared so much about my mom's permissions as about my dad's.

his not talking to me is really making me weak. i have had a proper sleep since then and its been 9 days and the only thing on my mind 24*7 is the issue of marriage. m i wrong in saying a no to this life long so called sacred commitment?? my reasons that i am not ready yet, i need more time and that i do not feel the need to get married right now do not convince them.

i do not find anything wrong. i am 25....and i do not feel the need to get married is an absolutely strong reason for me to say a 'no'. i do not find marriage a necessity. for me it is not something that HAS TO BE DONE. i did like to do it if i genuinely feel the need for it. its a big thing..its a big commitment..its about sharing lifes and am i supposed to do it just coz its the next step in life?????
also i do not like the baggage that marriage brings along......a new family, me being expected to be the responsible one, in-laws, the cooking stuff and then babies...uff.....i don' think m made for it.....

according to my folks, m absolutely on the border of crossing the marriageable age. one more year and i will be making life difficult for them and myself.

in my head...i know m right....but my decision has spoilt the air at home....its just so uncomfortable.....and everybody...friends, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles...everyone is making me feel as if m wrong....

am i wrong?

everybody says its just the anxiety and fear of marriage that i have and m giving stupid reasons for it......i don't think so.

m hating this tussle with my dad...should i give in....?

blah blah!

hah..i realize i havn't been blogging for a while now...n the quality of my posts is darkening...
well life is getting quite monotonous. the only change being ghar wale getting too serious abt my shadi.....uff this is soo damn *******. i dnt want to do it.......
alrite i might do it if
1. m not asked to cook coz dats the thing i HAAAAAAAAATE the most....so please keep me out
of the kitchen....
2. dont expect me to be the sati savitri...i have a life too.
3. why should i leave my parents off to go and do seva for his??????
4. i need to sleep at night.
5. i dn't want babies....i just so hate them.
6. dnt expect me to be wearing all that glitter n gold....m too comfi in my kurtas n floaters.
7. m not gonna get into any religious dramas n rituals in the name of religion.
8. if u switch jobs out of cities, dnt expect me to tag along....i dnt expect you to do the same for
me.....


i have more to add but is this sounding tooo adamant.....if it is good!
pls suggest ways to shhooo off the opportunities!!!

tv is getting so boring these days.....esp weekends.....mein kya karun.......

TEACHERS..........

In India 5th September is celebrated as Teachers' day. 5th September is the birthday of a great teacher Dr. Sarvapalli Radhakrishnan. When Dr. Radhakrishnan became the president of India in 1962, some of his students and friends approached him and requested him to allow them to celebrate 5th September, his "birthday". In reply, Dr, Radhakrishnan said, "instead of celebrating my birthday separately, it would be my proud privilege if September 5 is observed as Teachers' day". The request showed Dr.Radhakrishnan's love for the teaching profession. From then onwards, the day has been observed as Teachers' Day in India.

Socrates was an example of a good teacher as he considered himself a learner as well as a teacher. For Socrates, love and friendship were the proper contexts for the pursuit of wisdom and goodness. Socrates saw himself only as a catalyst. He felt that a personality influences another and a teacher should be capable of moulding his students through the power of his personality.

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi was the pre-eminent political and spiritual leader of India during the Indian independence movement. He was the pioneer of satyagraha—resistance to tyranny through mass civil disobedience, firmly founded upon ahimsa or total non-violence—which led India to independence and has inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world. He strongly believed in practice before you preach. Gndhi’s believes have influenced and inspired people across the globe.

Sir Isaac Newton is one of the most renowned physicists of all times, Sir Isaac Newton is also credited as a great mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist, and theologian. Through his Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica, he laid down the groundwork for most of classical mechanics.
Pythagoras is regarded as one of the greatest mathematicians that the world has seen till date. He is also credited with being a great mystic and scientist. He founded the religious movement called Pythagoreanism and also gave the world Pythagorean Theorem, which is used in mathematics till date.


Raja Ram Mohan Roy is considered to be one of the great teachers of Modern India. He is known as the 'Maker of Modern India'. He was the founder of the Brahmo Samaj, one of the first Indian socio-religious reform movements. And played a major role in abolishing the orthodox rituals like Sati and Idol worship. Raja Rammohan Roy was a great scholar and an independent thinker. He advocated the study of English, Science, Western Medicine and Technology. He was given the title 'Raja' by the Mughal Emperor

Rabindranath Tagore was a writer and a poet. He was also an educationist and his philosophy of education was in complete opposition to the school system. He believed in learning directly and through experiences with nature rather than books. He believed in complete freedom of the child and thought that education should aim at all round development and not produce scholars. His school in Shantiniketan in a reflection of his believes.

John Taylor Gatto was an advertising copywriter who became bored with the ad business started teaching ''just to see what it was like.'' He ended up teaching for 30 years and tried to change the system simply by refusing to follow it. His insights and knowledge have brought a new breath of healing air into the closed classrooms of United States.
Maria Montessori tried to break away from the regular classroom teaching and developed a system of education for children of three to six, based on freedom of movement, the provision of considerable choice for pupils, and the use of specially designed activities and equipment. She is known for her play-way methods and use of sensory experiences for teaching.

World Teacher’s Day is celebrated across the world on 5th October, with great verve and enthusiasm. Ever since the importance of teachers has been recognized by UNESCO, by adopting the “Recommendation concerning the status of teachers”, World Teacher’s Day has been celebrated annually. This includes celebrations to honor the teachers for their special contribution in a particular field area or the community in general.

Silence

Sitting on this side
My eyes hunt for the shore on the other
I can see the clouds
Dim sunlight filtering through them
And giving it the sparkling
Orange lining in the dusky sky.

The water of the ocean
Is playing with vibes
Blues with silver streaks
Glowing orange gems
It makes me wonder
Why are illusions so fascinating?

Through the vast expanse of the ocean
My eyes see water till the farthest point
Its pristine and peaceful
Yet my eyes search for land.
Its queer
The silence that I have loved so much
Is troubling me today.

mom...

till the child is in the womb
she is a part of the mother.
as she comes out in the world
she has to learn to live for herself.

For the mother,
the process of detatchment starts
from the day she gives her a new life,
outside her.

Yet mothers are the only ones
who can sense our pains
our angsts
without even words being conveyed

she is the one
who first felt us
who first loved us
who nourished us before herself
satiated our hunger before hers
treated our pains before hers
awoke nights so that we could sleep

how much more do i state here....


can we ever do or feel
even a fraction of this love
towards our mom..

we are the ones
who take them for granted
ALWAYS.

blah blah!

well had a fantabulous weekend....it was the warming up ceremony for my cousin's new shop....which means a get together with all relatives n cousins...and lot of work n exhaustion!!
i can see a change in me.....i sacrificed my only dearest holiday to go there rather than catching up with my dearest sleep....m enjoying the company of my relatives unlike earlier....or is it beacuse my friends have gone away..or is it coz it gives a break from the usual work day schedule....i guess all..;)

again i faced the same situation where all my extended family just casually sat around n attacked me...well counselled me.....well coaxed me....to get married!!! phew....but i have learnt to react in a mature away...earlier they talk about it n i would be in rage.....now i handle it all with a smile on my face....i have become confident of the fact that their talking n cribbing can't change my decision....so my being so calm yesterday confused them a bit!!!...yipppppppie!!!
sorry ma n pa...m not ready for it yet......i can't understand marriage....i dnt want to marry coz every body does....that just doesn't convince me....i need to feel the need to get maaried deep inside....i can't do it just for the sake of it....
n about my growing up n age factor.....i dnt know what to say....i understand that as parents they might be right n worried....but am i wrong???

well i have joined school...n m stuck in that damn rigid system again...i know i never wanted to teach in a school...but destiny has its way.....what i hate the most is i can't keep shouting at students all the time n restricting them form doing n things....i just love being friends with them....but neither the system nor the students are geared up for this.....m learning to adjust....

i need to loose weight.....

m rediscovering a few relationships....n m glad :)

m still waiting for my results ..fingers crossed.....

the restless monkey inside me tells me that the change that is coming up is for good....inshaallah

fiction 55

the pristine water was witness to both of them strolling on the wet sand along the beach...hands entwined
the scenic sunset and the gushing waves could not sooth the queer feelings rousing inside her ...

he broke the silence "i had a beautiful time last night....with your best friend"

Mah Friends are Going.....:(

just back from P's engagement party.....it was great fun n P was extremely happy!!
the best part was that it was P's n her fiance's budday today..yes both of them share the same birthday n they decided to make it even more special by exchanging rings today!! superb!

so my friends are going farther n farther..
PS's hubby switched jobs n so she moved to Bangalore last year...
R gets married next month n shifts to Pune....
P gets married in another 5 months n moves to Hyderabad....

Gosh...i'll be soooooo lonely....main roz ki bakwass si gappen kis se marungi....Phulz pals...stay back here.....Or I might go insane....

but these friends are acting more like dushmans.....if mom wasn't enough to pressurise me into getting married....these people too have ganged up with my mom...n if this continues.....U guys will make my life hell.....

just gimme some space n time..i know whats right for me....let me do it my way.....

Don't make me fight with u.....

I'll miss u girls....

thoughts

i feel like pondering over so many thoughts inside me

to comprehend these lines on my hand

to convey the things that are deep down

to make my thoughts see the light of the world

and more so

to understand the truth behind these thoughts

and for once accept what my heart wants!

fiction 55 - rings of smoke

He felt his dreams crashing once again...tears were swelling his eyes....this time he didn't want to let them free....he closed his eyes once more....darkness was more comfortable...

His hands were wandering into the bag.....should I or should'nt I?

With feeble hands he let his dreams go... into rings of smoke...

Yeh tha June.....

the past month had kept me too busy...entangled in mostly all the unimportant yet to be done things....

• landed with a temporary job to beat time n till i get one of my choice!! but m thoroughly enjoying this one..:)

• added another year to my life.. :)) and it was a terrific day...no partying but wishes from close ones and a few forgotten ones and some unexpected new friends made it reeeally special...its just the fact that all those people took time out and made an effort to wish me on my special day made it worthwhile!! Thanks u guys...a special mention for O for the beautiful gift and D n A for your absolutely unexpected calls from across borders!

• was doin dilli darshan in this scorching heat with my desi-phoren cousins who didn't have a better time to visit our desh...

• have been applying for jobs..hopefully things will click somewhere soon and a decently good package ;)

• made attempts to go for morning walks coz m going on the weightier side but it just failed miserably......

• met some great women and genuinely admire them for their spirit.

• bought some nice clothes for my self...

• an attempt to make my frizzy hair look nicer crashed once again....so m back to my burnt maggi type hair!!

• its been ages i haven't picked on a book...this month was the same....

have already landed into july with lotsa prayers coz a lot is expected to happen..hopefully positive!!

amen!

The Black Veil

The first thing that I want to state is that in this post I am questioning a belief and a practice and not attacking it.

The black veil intrigues me. It disturbs me and brings a lot of questions for which I need answers. I am not supportive of the practice of women wearing burqua and I have my reasons for it. It is a fatal combination of religious practices and patriarch culture. I do not have a historical understanding of why women were made to wear a hijab and its connection to the present day. As per my knowledge, women were kept under the veil because they were considered as sexual objects and men did not want them to run around flaunting their beauty and bodies. From what I understand, a veil is not just a physical covering but also sets a psychological boundary which is not supposed to be crossed. Here, by psychological boundary, I aim at the various social constraints that a women is supposed to follow to keep her virginity intact which includes proper dressing, manner of conduct, body posture, walk etc etc etc. The burqua is not just supposed to conceal the woman’s body but is also symbolic of how a woman is supposed to confine herself , her feelings, her emotions and her life according to the ways as defined by the men of the society for them. For me, the hijab signifies confinement from expression of the body and the self. It curbs the sexuality,freedom and individuality of womanhood. It might be done to under the name of protection from stray eyes but did no one think of curbing those stray eyes??

Strangely, according to Islamic practices, black is the colour of mourning….why is the burqua black in colour…does this symbolize that women are evil to the society that they are to be wrapped up in a black cloth all the time??

When I look out into the world,I see many many women who have left behind these cultural practices and have ventured into this modernist world with a sense of freedom and an individuality that anybody dare not doubt and point a finger at. But this does not mean that the practice is a long past. It is very much existant in our villages, in our cities and in this big world. We talk about existentialism, we talk about modernism and post- modernism. But my question is do we have a right to talk about all these 'isms' when millions of women in this world that we live in are not even aware of what individuality means. What it means to nourish your own self and your soul....or for that matter do they understand the meaning of the word 'self' in the truest sense of it......????

And the seasons go on

Well my student days have come to an end but those college years have been a lifetime of fun,masti,emotions, stupidity, fooling around things and so on….m happy that there will be no more slogging with books and exams but there’s much more that I’ll be missing on…..
1. those so many failed attempts at proxy attendance.
2. that rushing from bus stop to college to save the attendance for the 8.30
lecture.
3. non stop dirty talk at the lawns.
4. woh canteen ki chai, samose aur idli sambar.
5. the trips…
6. 8 of us stuffed in 1 auto(resource crunch!!!)
7. copy pasting projects and assignments…
8. some projects seriously done in just 14hrs…or I night at the max…!!
9. those times when we were thrown out of class and we laughed our hearts off!!!
10. the big break ups n make ups…80% of conversations were circled around this…
11. the college fest….esp the euphoria nite….mmmmmm
12. the chit chats at the metro station…
13. the plays that we performed can’t be forgotten
14. the nights before exams….fadu nights!!
15. the so many front row movies that we enjoyed..:)))
16. summer vacations and how desperately we waited to sleep our assess off through the day.
17. the groups that we had…and the hiding notes and the cold wars.
18. I can’t forget the first time we tried marroing sutta!!!
19. chit passing during lectures and the fuss created when caught.
20. the fun with clothes, naughty t shirts with slogans, mast jholas and piercings!!!
21. going broke giving treats!!
22. internship sucked the blood out of us…but we all came back smiling!!!

Well these were the days which made us laugh will now give us wet eyes. And will laugh over those days that we spent crying and anxious over stupid problems!!!

Thats college I guess……

on the move...

driving down the road
on this beautiful moon lit night
m thinking of u
sitting beside me
trying to hide what is evident to both
we just let go
holding hands tight
with our fingers entwined
the breath out of sync
sparks in the stomach
the gentle yet passionate touch does wonders
to both the heart and soul
making the desire to melt in your arms
rising high inside
we stop in a dingy lane
to make that moment ours
and let the fire take us
into the depths of each other....

strings of my handbag

Isme kya bhar kar lati ho?
Is one question that I have been so frequently asked by men…I wonder why big bags trouble men so much?
I am a somebody who’s smitten by big bags…ever since my college dayz. In college there were chicks who used to come carrying those hankerchief size bags and a diary in hand and I used to wonder what do they come here for? I mean is their life so simple to come in that pencil box size bag???

Mine wasn’t!!! during college dayz I was obsessed with jholas so always on the hunt for the ethnic and colourful ones..and it was always full with so much in it….books, note pad,wallet,water bottle, scarf, pens, card pouch(id,library ticket, bus pass membership cards etc), other essential stuff…plus I have this habit of picking random stuff…be it nice big unusual leaves from the college garden, fruits shed from tress,nything unique lying about on the road and all of it went into my bag!!! Besides the last one, all this was essential stuff and I wonder how could girls manage without it????

For me the idea of a bag is to throw in all the stuff inside it and keep ur hands free. But I see people around who carry these mini size bags on their wrists and then keep their hands full and keep dropping things around!!

Why woman why can’t u carry a bigger bag?

N I just so hate these clutch bags doing the rounds these days. They are just so tiny and whats the use of carrying one when it can’t contain anything except ur mobile phone…u m sure u can carry that in ur hand…..ah someone shouted…glam quotient…..phew..keep that to u babes!!

So my journey of bags has been from back packs to interesting jholas to jute bags to rug and bamboo stick bags, cloth bags to now rexine bags…but all big size!!

The bag that m carrying these days is like a huge pouch with strings at the top to tie and lock it. And it looks quite smart….and my folks have nick named it as Aladdin ki potli!!! n m quite happy for the kind of space it provides me to pack in things and raise frivolous questions in the minds of men!!!

Well I just took this quiz What Does Your Handbag Say About You?
My results show:



You tend to be relaxed throughout the day. You are naturally at peace.

You are a high maintenance person. You feel lost outside of your normal environment.

You are a very creative person. Your life tends to be a whirlwind, but you always seem to pull it together.

You are practical and down to earth. You tend to be a rather reserved and quiet person.

You are a very unique and special person.
There's no one else who is anything like you

So very me….!!!

its raining!!!!

its raining n hailstorms out here n m just lovin' it!!

pics from photobucket

a name is a name is a name...

The Shakespearean thought for ‘what’s in a name’ goes for a toss here…

Well PS has been blessed with a baby boy…n she’s a happy mommy…
The task of naming the boy has been an experience..
PS has this liking for heavy duty names…names that lonnng,make an impact n sound dignified…for example: Rannvijay, Bhavyaman, Harshdeep, Himanshu,
PS has had this liking for ‘powerful’ names n surnames…since college days PS never liked her surname and she had this weird desire to get married to a guy with a heavy impact surname. Her preferences include Choudhary, Thakur, Malhotra, Khandelwal.
Well what I can figure out is that she has this liking for names that spell looonger and heavy on n,y,a and h….

N her hubby dearest has this liking for the 70’s names…Pankaj, Prakash, Mohan, Ajay, Suraj…n blah blah blah…n he was damn serious….he was concerned about the meaning of the name while wifey was hung up on how it sounds.


No offences to anyone but choosing a name is like choosing an identity for an individual…it’s the name the whole world would know him by..the first step to his identity…n m sure no parent would want to mess it up…..u don’t want the kid to come back 15 yrs down the line n feel absolutely pissed off with the name that he has been given…

I feel the name should be sound smart, carry a nice positive meaning and be a unique one….u don’t want to leave ur child with a name that every one else has.
And some say that the name has the most significant influence on a person's life and personality. Almost from the moment of birth, the first name vibration begins impacting perceptions, traits and talents. Well I doubt this coz at times I have seen personalities exactly opposite of their names….

I have had a gala time listening to their stories n versions and rolling with laughter. But at the same time I felt like kicking them hard for their choice of names…

After all the tuffs,tussles, nags and bangs, the kiddo has been finally christened as Vedant urf chikoo!!!

tummy troubles

Off late my tummy dear has been giving me more trouble than the usual ones…( well…my stomach blues have become a part of me..)
Ma n Pa are fed up running after me to have medicines while I continue to run away from medicines…
So this time pa dearest has got me this BIG bottle of lauki-amla-bel juice from the Baba Ramdev’s Patanjali stuff…
N don’t u ask me….its yuck..m supposed to take in half a cup of that horrendous syrup first thing in the morning…L
Well day 1 I almost stopped myself from letting my system take a reverse gear…the ghiya makes it bitter, the amla content is just too high giving it all the sourness and doesn’t leave any space for the poor bel to make its presence felt…
Day 2 I decided to add some sugar to it to kinda reduce that awful taste….well no relief…sugar wasn’t sweet enough I guess….
Day 3 on Pa’s advice I added some salt n pepper to that yucky syrup but that damn thing is just so opaque n dense that it doesn’t let anything mix up with it to make it a little pleasant to gulp it down the throat….
I wonder y it doesn’t have an odour?

All said and cribbed about, I feel that thing is making a difference….i do feel slightly better…
But trust me pushing it down the food pipe is a task and I am to finish that 1000ml bottle in 10 dayz….
All I can say is……My mornings aren’t pleasant anymore….

Do we have an answer?

I was sitting by the red building and lush green lawns in my college mugging up for my exam that I was to give in another 20 mins. A boy of about 10 yrs, a rag picker went to a girl sitting a few meters away from where I was…I had seen him in the campus last week as well picking up plastics and stuff. Today he had papers in his hand rather than his sack. He spoke to her but within seconds turned towards me. He knew I was observing him. As I saw him coming, I concentrated on the book in my hand….he stopped by me….put forward his sheets to me. These were plain A4 sheets, one side used….I look at him….he says “ didi is par mujhe drawing bana do.”

my first thought was to refuse … I had my exam in 20 mins and quite some stuff to revise…
I took the sheets from him n asked “ kya bana du?”
“Bike bana do…”
“bike banana toh mujhe nahi aati..kuch aur batao”
he thinks, then says “mere pas pen bhi nahi hai..”

In the mean time the guard comes to shoo him off. And starts shouting at him…he lowers his eyes and gets up to go…leaving his sheets… I give the sheets back and the pen that I had in my hand.
He says thank you and goes away. So does the guard.

My eyes were moist..i was blank…numb...i didn’t even ask him his name. all through his face had the same dourly expression..…Why didn’t I stop the guard from shouting at him?

It was a stark reality early in the morning..I am preparing to go to give my post graduate degree exam and there is a child who comes to me collecting used papers from some where to make him a drawing…this boy who should be studying in a school does not even possess a pen.
Why this difference in society? Why this difference in life? Is this life for him?

I close my book and head for the examination hall.

Will I meet him again? What will I do?

a prayer

wishes,dreams,aspirations and desires

and with a heart full of prayers.....


i light up this flame

lets create that magic

once more

once more

once more

just ticklers....

got these in an e mail.....

the mind is the most chaotic place in the world....busier than any traffic signal...

which would be more crowded..the door to heaven or the gateway to hell???

m coming...

the sight of that glimmering sea is calling me once again....
m coming...
just keep your water pristine blue....
m coming....

tagged!!!

Shayari tagged me with this! ..i know its coming very late...but well....here it goes..

It's all about listing 25 random things about oneself. Well here I go about it.

1. I hate guests at home for it counts for a lot of formalities n those artificial smiles..

2. I just absolutely hate to cook!! n I secretly wish for a hubby who loves to cook n I’ll be more than happy to let that load go off my head.

3. I really really vouch for dowry free marriages....no no not even in the name of gifts…

4. I keep on teasing my mom for her superstitions but m growing up to be like her… ;)) I luuv her,adore herbut I dnt wanna be like her…

5. I just luv sitting under the stars, watching sunsets..…there’s nothing like it .

6. m 24 n still not very convinced about my professional choice…

7. m a big time sleepoholic…n I mean it!

8. I just so much luuuuv that spicy chilli sauce that u get with momos….i always make it a point to beg some extra sauce from the momo guy!! Its yummy…slurp!

9. I have this crazy thing in me….m a mango lover…I just gorge on mangoes during summers n then I crave for them in winters too!!..all the time….!

10. for some people m an introvert,khadus,arrogant person but with some I can just go on talking endlessly!

11. I talk to myself. I talk to myself n I talk to myself….n start thinking that I have conveyed it to the other person…but actually I don’t….n that’s how I mess it all up!!

12. I always end up falling weak in front of the wrong people ;(( I need lots of wisdom on judging people…

13. In my small heart in one small vein I have a desire to learn to play guitar but I can’t even get the sa re ga ma right on my vocals!! I did try learning it, my teacher got fed up n I left it in all embarrassment!!

14. I want to learn to ride a bike!

15. n n n I just need to visit leh…I think it’s the mostest beautifullest( is that a word?) place I have ever known hear of….

16. I just love to listen to all those songs played on radio all night loooooong

17. I just feeling like brutualy murdering when those stupid aunty n uncles try coaxing me into getting married with the famous one-liner
“har ladki ko ek din apne ghar jana hi hota hai…yeh ghar to paraya hai.”
Uff gimme a break….abhi meri umar hi kya hai….n phulez mind ur own life....not mine....

18. n m really proud to say that unlike others girls m the mechanic of my house…from
changing bulbs n tube lights, joining wires, fixing small stuff, dealing with plumbers,
mechanics..i can do it!!

19. I can just never keep my clothes in an order in my closet…every 15 days I religiously
take out all my clothes, fold them n neatly place them in hangers n bundles…but I cannot maintain it…I just ruffle up everything while taking out, picking.choosing what to wear
that after 15 days…its like open the closet n all stuff inside is falling on ur face!!n then
again the cycle repeats!!

20. I suck big time when it comes to managing relatives…

21. I go nuts when I go shopping….when ever I shop I just can’t buy anything…I have to
like it in the first instant look or m not buying it….n this way I end up searching every
damn shop in the whole market n end up home empty haded….and that’s why I usually
go shopping alone!!

22. I like to take the off beaten road…the road that is less traveled….be it profession,
clothes,hobbies,friends…whatever…I don’t like being counted in the heard…though I
don’t want to stand out as well….its like I like to be there n yet be
different….confusing…dnt worry…m a gemini!!

23. when I was a kid I used to luuv cycling…. n I was pretty apt at it….i used to ride very
fast n evry few days some aunty would come home complaining to my grand mom….ha
ha once I banged into a kabadi wala on a blind turn….n he was mad at me for all his stuff lay open on the road n I couldn’t stop laughing….n m thinking of it m giggling even
now!!
Ahh…its now I can connect why I luuv driving so much…n no wonder my dad is so
anxious when m out with his car!!lol….

24. I miss my grandpa…its been 7 yrs n I still think of him n remember those times when I
just loved squeezing into his lap n he used to keep patting on my head in silence…..n u
know he was suffering so much at that time…I actually prayed to God to take him away so that he doesn’t have to bear all that pain…..I miss u a lot daddy…nobody can share
that magic that we had…

25. okay…I think I got too emotional above….n since this is the last one…I shud end it on a happy note….hmmm..ok…..i hav this mad cousin …..whenever he needs to fart he positions his bum bang infront of the face of someone and just farts!! phooooooooooooooo!!
n I have learnt this from him;)))!!!! Try it guys its real fun!!!

please feel free to tag urself!!

झुकी नज़रें

बातों ही बातों में
न कहते हुए भी
बहुत कुछ कह गए

वो इशारे ही काफी थे
समझने के लिये
उस बात को
जिसे जुबान तक न आने दे रहे थे

कल मुझसे नज़रें मिला पाओ
उस खातिर
आज नज़रें झुका कर
चले गए

लेकिन वो झुकी नजरें
भी छुपा न पाई वो कहानी
जिसे बयां न करना चाह रहे थे तुम

a neat holi

I had none of my friends around to play holi with...
but I ventured out of the house in hope of njyn the day...
well no friends but I ended up playing holi with the kiddos of my colony..
n it was so much fun...n kids are smarter...dey arn't scared of colours as I was....n once u throw colour at them dey'll give it back to u with all their pichkaris n everythin....he he he
I played a neat holi this time...with only gulal n water...
n just taking out water from other people's tanks
colouring the cars parked..
snatching buckets from children n using it to throw water at them!!
mixing gulal in chandan...
ganging up with kids to drench the nosy ones around..
n yeah colouring them up with their own colours...

n then sitting back n njyn as they carried on.....

mean me!!

its only words..

hey i was out last evening with O
and it was just wonderful..

well both of us didn't do nythn great
we just walked and sang 'words...'
its just so wonderful a song n i just luuuuved it during my teenage days..
it brought back so many memories.....n smiles....

n while wakin past we just heard it playin in a car n ended up singing it on
(though both of us r terrible singers....but what the heck!!)

and ended up ROFL ;)))

"Smile, an everlasting smile
A smile can bring you near to me
Don't ever let me find you gone
Cause that would bring a tear to me
This world has lost it's glory
Lets start a brand new story
Now my love
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say...
It's only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away..."

mindgames

Confused,tangled,is what my state of mind is..
I m not able to relate to myself..not able to converse with my own self
With my thoughts….
M demanding too much
Nothing is clear…there’s clutter,blurr,opaqueness
M feeling tired,worn-out,weary
Feeling that enthusiasm bleaking
M trying to solve the jig saw
Just want to hear my voice again
To feel that serenity in me…
To feel that stability in me…

zidd hai aashiyan banane ki....

O sent me these beautiful lines....the source is unknown....

baadlon ke darmiyaan kuch aisi saazish hui,
mera ghar mitti ka tha mere hi ghar baarish hui,
usko bhi zid hai bijliyaan girane ki,
hame bhi zid hai wahi aashiyaan banane ki....

image by olvwu on flickr

roads...

we may be walking on the same road

I'll care for you in my own way

you'll never know

and perhaps I'll never show.

photo courtesy: flickr

m feelin nerdy...

well m feelin all white n nerdy....have been down with viral since 4 days....but dats nothing new..m used to it since this happens to me with every change of season.... but m hating it dis time...its my friends engagement party on the 14th with her dream guy n I want to be there..to be with all of them.. I know I have to go even if m on the verge of fainting or she'll kick the shit out of me....but I don't want to be looking like a zombie there....my nose is running faster than the corporation's tap water, my nose is cherry red, m on the verge of opening the second box of tissues,my eyes have sunken in, havn't bathed since 3 dayz n desperately hoping for my body temperature to normalise....heavens i need to drive out of town for the party...

leave aside looking my best n dancing till each muscle is paining, I just hope I can make it n manage to get rid of this schizophrenic look that m carrying....ahh I wanna be there......

in honour of mosquitoes

Mosquitoes are oblivious of family planning

they flourish in billions

inspite of All Out & Kachuachap

they invade my territory,My Room

In attempts to crush them

I end up slapping myself

The walls of my room

display some of my victories on them

They nurture themselves on my blood

leaving love bites all over my face

Forcibly listening to their irritating buzz at night

I miserably fail at my mission

to get a Good Night sleep.... :(


P.S - This is being created in a state of zombiness coz of being deprived of some good sound sleep.

packaging

chahe woh ek dry fruit ka dibba ho ya phir insan,



packaging matters!

..light

Pondering over thoughts
And yet being thoughtless

Living & outliving lies
And contemplating truth

Shaking suppressions
And questioning the alter ego

Overcoming guilts
And discovering self

Living many lives in one
And labouring dreams

The movement

from darkness to light

and light to darkness

define life.

11.45 a.m, traffic signal

P is travelling in an auto, requesting the autowallah to speed up to reach in time for a meeting. the auto stops at a traffic signal. a white merc screechingly halts on the left just a little ahead of the auto. the proximity between the two vehicles was close enough to let P read the time on the music player in the car. 11.45 a.m. the occupants are a young boy and a girl..both around 19 yrs of age. P's eyes are at the signal waiting for it to go green. there's something unusual on her left.she turns to see that the couple in the car are tied in a lip lock...trying to ignore P turns around. the autowalla is stiil staring at the couple. the driver of a bus and its passengers standing on the other side of the car are enjoying the scene and passing lewd comments. the couple stops, takes a breather, looks around to see the number of people mocking at them and continue to let go of themselves and into each other's arms.... by this time the auto wallah has already stepped out. the traffic signal is flashing green. P asks him to get in and move but he isn't bothered... the bus driver and his associates also get down & have surrounded the car to get a clear view of the action happening inside the car...P too can clearly see it...the intimacy of the couple has reached beyond the PDA...P shouts at the auto wallah but her voice doesn't reach him coz of the chaos and honking of the traffic behind...P starts to get out of the auto and bang on the car but stops considering the lewd comments being passed and some could be targeted at her...
it must be around 30 seconds since the signal turned green but everyone has lost the hurry to move ahead.... enjoying the show put up by two youngsters who have lost themselves to their uncontrolable sexual urges.
then suddenly a defence officer comes from behind to probably sought out the chaos but his eyes are left wide open as he peeps in the car....regaining his composure he bangs on the door.the guy turns around and is frightened out of his wits. he frantically pulls the gear and speeds off...
and so do others....

colours

within the grey vista of life

happy yet sad

fearing behind smiles

pleasant yet scared

vindicating himself at every criticism

with the wisdom of experience

speaking through his actions

supressing the whirlpool of emotions

hoping for a miracle

to swap his vicissitude

with a plethora of colours.

lohri

Sunder mundriye ho!

Tera kaun vicaharaa ho!

Dullah bhatti walla ho!

Dullhe di dhee vyayae ho!

Ser shakkar payee ho!

Kudi da laal pathaka ho!

Kudi da saalu paatta ho!

Salu kaun samete!

Chache choori kutti!

zamidara lutti!

Zamindaar sudhaye!

bade bhole aaye!

Ek bhola reh gaya!

Sipahee pakad ke lai gaya!

Sipahee ne mari eet!

Sanoo de de lohri te teri jeeve jodi!

Paheenve ro te phannve pit!

HAPPY LOHRI!!

from one life to another

we looked into each others eyes
mine were sad
his had tears.

tears of remembrance.
remembrance of
those first walks with his soft hand gripped in a protective hand..
those first jumps..
first and forever chats..
his scoldings ..
walks to school holding his hands...
man to man talks..
and then one day..
the protective hand was left alone
coz the other moved ahead in life.

remembrance of
those walks when his shivering hand held the firm hand
scoldings given to him to have his medicines
sitting by him through the night
and praying for his well being
hoping that medicines work
sitting by him in the hospital for weeks
man to man talks
and then one day he left
to move ahead in the life cycle.


his eyes were rather painful
they were talking which is unusual
unable to conceal the grief
expressing the loss of his father.

the big fat weddings...

somehow i don't like the funda of the big fat weddings..i think it is a ridiculous business for in it nobody enjoys..the family is tensed coz of the preparations and hoping and praying that everything goes well, that no relative is annoyed and all the formalities are completed and everyone goes back home pleased. the bride n the groom are sitting like idols and dnt have a clue of whats happening and desperately waiting for it to be over, the video camera can go off, the relatives can go off and they can get back into some comfortable clothings and some alone time!

the people invited come due to variuos reasons. they are the only ones who feel a little relaxed after justling through office n traffic to attend the wedding. besides this, it is a sheer waste of money. i see no point spending lakhs on decorations n food n clothes u won't wear a second time in ur life.....
i may be sounding too complaining abt all this wedding business. my mom says if we don't celebrate such occasions then what will we as a society celebrate...there will be no celebrations if everyone thinks like me!! but i don't see the point why the whole world needs to be invited to your wedding n half of the people u dnt even know or are so long lost that u fail to recognise them! if u really want a celebration u can always do it with your close family n friends who matter to u....ahh...wish someone could convince me about this shadi business...

me n some of my friends have always felt this way..now its time my peers have started getting married.i too might have this day coming soon for me.... now they have been against this big fat wedding n dowry stuff. but to my surprise they are following the same with huge grand celebrations n lotsa dowry...opps..gifts!! and they did not give much resentment saying they don't want to go against their parents coz they in turn are answerable to the society, no guy would like to go in for a court marriage and there's a difference between dreams and reality....

now m i too strong headed to not understand this society issue or m i thinking in an unrealistic world??i guess my mom n dad are going to have a tough time with me...

somebody please explain this to me......