Tuesday, October 14, 2008

sometimes its important to feel the pain

Yesterday, I came to know that an old friend of mine was in shambles!! I mean what do you do when 6 months into your marriage and that too a love marriage, you realize that your spouse is into an extra- marital affair….its scary. Its like turning your world upside down…..its a cyclone, a hurricane, I don’t know what but one thing I am certain of is that it blows away every shred of peace from your life. I would expect anyone to be hysterical here. But this woman was exactly the opposite. I wouldn’t say she was calm but she was numb, neutral ….not feeling the pain. Pain is important in our life. I wouldn’t wish her the pain but here I feel its important to feel the pain, to help you come to terms with the disaster and give a reality check . Otherwise what she is going through is worse or will be worse in the long run…escaping, rationalizing, sublimating the wrong/ the reality….she is not feeling the pain…the pain of a failed marriage, a failed trust.

Even psychology says that feeling of pain and crying are symptoms that the shock has been acknowledged and being accepted by the person. Repeated grieving in such situations reflects that the person is on the process of internalization of the pain and will learn to move on with the reality.

When ever we feel pain, it is also accompanied by a hope, a wish that things should fall back in place and be as before. Its this hope and this optimism that keeps us going. Its that human tendency to see good and positive that we wish, we hope, we pray and we grieve. Sometimes it is important to feel the pain instead of wishing it away because the alternative is much worse. Its hope that keeps us moving forward for if there is no hope there isn’t life. Life can’t be seen in black and white. It is more of grey that matters and makes life the way it is. It’s the grey that reflects the journey from black to white. And it’s the grey that holds the precious moments of our life, the struggles, the anxiety, the tension, the ray of hopes, the smiles…..that makes life worth living.

It makes me realize how happiness and pain are two side of the same coin..its important to feel the pain to relish the happiness in our lifes.

“I have had dreams and I have had nightmares,
but I have conquered my nightmares
because of my dreams.”



Nilu said...

Your post starts off with a lot of promise; relationship, trust etc are heavy words indeed guaranteed to catch anyone's interest. However, somewhere along the line the post veers off onto the subject of pain reconciliation. Readers (read I) are left guessing as to what happens next in your friend's life and how you are helping her.


state of mind? said...

I do agree that I did not finish from where I started but at that point of time when I was trying to word out my feelings, I was trying to put down the thoughts as they came.
I wasn't bothered about tying the threads so it is the way it is...