blah blah!

well had a fantabulous weekend....it was the warming up ceremony for my cousin's new shop....which means a get together with all relatives n cousins...and lot of work n exhaustion!!
i can see a change in me.....i sacrificed my only dearest holiday to go there rather than catching up with my dearest sleep....m enjoying the company of my relatives unlike earlier....or is it beacuse my friends have gone away..or is it coz it gives a break from the usual work day schedule....i guess all..;)

again i faced the same situation where all my extended family just casually sat around n attacked me...well counselled me.....well coaxed me....to get married!!! phew....but i have learnt to react in a mature away...earlier they talk about it n i would be in rage.....now i handle it all with a smile on my face....i have become confident of the fact that their talking n cribbing can't change my decision....so my being so calm yesterday confused them a bit!!!...yipppppppie!!!
sorry ma n pa...m not ready for it yet......i can't understand marriage....i dnt want to marry coz every body does....that just doesn't convince me....i need to feel the need to get maaried deep inside....i can't do it just for the sake of it....
n about my growing up n age factor.....i dnt know what to say....i understand that as parents they might be right n worried....but am i wrong???

well i have joined school...n m stuck in that damn rigid system again...i know i never wanted to teach in a school...but destiny has its way.....what i hate the most is i can't keep shouting at students all the time n restricting them form doing n things....i just love being friends with them....but neither the system nor the students are geared up for this.....m learning to adjust....

i need to loose weight.....

m rediscovering a few relationships....n m glad :)

m still waiting for my results ..fingers crossed.....

the restless monkey inside me tells me that the change that is coming up is for good....inshaallah

Do we have an answer?

I was sitting by the red building and lush green lawns in my college mugging up for my exam that I was to give in another 20 mins. A boy of about 10 yrs, a rag picker went to a girl sitting a few meters away from where I was…I had seen him in the campus last week as well picking up plastics and stuff. Today he had papers in his hand rather than his sack. He spoke to her but within seconds turned towards me. He knew I was observing him. As I saw him coming, I concentrated on the book in my hand….he stopped by me….put forward his sheets to me. These were plain A4 sheets, one side used….I look at him….he says “ didi is par mujhe drawing bana do.”

my first thought was to refuse … I had my exam in 20 mins and quite some stuff to revise…
I took the sheets from him n asked “ kya bana du?”
“Bike bana do…”
“bike banana toh mujhe nahi aati..kuch aur batao”
he thinks, then says “mere pas pen bhi nahi hai..”

In the mean time the guard comes to shoo him off. And starts shouting at him…he lowers his eyes and gets up to go…leaving his sheets… I give the sheets back and the pen that I had in my hand.
He says thank you and goes away. So does the guard.

My eyes were moist..i was blank…numb...i didn’t even ask him his name. all through his face had the same dourly expression..…Why didn’t I stop the guard from shouting at him?

It was a stark reality early in the morning..I am preparing to go to give my post graduate degree exam and there is a child who comes to me collecting used papers from some where to make him a drawing…this boy who should be studying in a school does not even possess a pen.
Why this difference in society? Why this difference in life? Is this life for him?

I close my book and head for the examination hall.

Will I meet him again? What will I do?

tagged!!!

Shayari tagged me with this! ..i know its coming very late...but well....here it goes..

It's all about listing 25 random things about oneself. Well here I go about it.

1. I hate guests at home for it counts for a lot of formalities n those artificial smiles..

2. I just absolutely hate to cook!! n I secretly wish for a hubby who loves to cook n I’ll be more than happy to let that load go off my head.

3. I really really vouch for dowry free marriages....no no not even in the name of gifts…

4. I keep on teasing my mom for her superstitions but m growing up to be like her… ;)) I luuv her,adore herbut I dnt wanna be like her…

5. I just luv sitting under the stars, watching sunsets..…there’s nothing like it .

6. m 24 n still not very convinced about my professional choice…

7. m a big time sleepoholic…n I mean it!

8. I just so much luuuuv that spicy chilli sauce that u get with momos….i always make it a point to beg some extra sauce from the momo guy!! Its yummy…slurp!

9. I have this crazy thing in me….m a mango lover…I just gorge on mangoes during summers n then I crave for them in winters too!!..all the time….!

10. for some people m an introvert,khadus,arrogant person but with some I can just go on talking endlessly!

11. I talk to myself. I talk to myself n I talk to myself….n start thinking that I have conveyed it to the other person…but actually I don’t….n that’s how I mess it all up!!

12. I always end up falling weak in front of the wrong people ;(( I need lots of wisdom on judging people…

13. In my small heart in one small vein I have a desire to learn to play guitar but I can’t even get the sa re ga ma right on my vocals!! I did try learning it, my teacher got fed up n I left it in all embarrassment!!

14. I want to learn to ride a bike!

15. n n n I just need to visit leh…I think it’s the mostest beautifullest( is that a word?) place I have ever known hear of….

16. I just love to listen to all those songs played on radio all night loooooong

17. I just feeling like brutualy murdering when those stupid aunty n uncles try coaxing me into getting married with the famous one-liner
“har ladki ko ek din apne ghar jana hi hota hai…yeh ghar to paraya hai.”
Uff gimme a break….abhi meri umar hi kya hai….n phulez mind ur own life....not mine....

18. n m really proud to say that unlike others girls m the mechanic of my house…from
changing bulbs n tube lights, joining wires, fixing small stuff, dealing with plumbers,
mechanics..i can do it!!

19. I can just never keep my clothes in an order in my closet…every 15 days I religiously
take out all my clothes, fold them n neatly place them in hangers n bundles…but I cannot maintain it…I just ruffle up everything while taking out, picking.choosing what to wear
that after 15 days…its like open the closet n all stuff inside is falling on ur face!!n then
again the cycle repeats!!

20. I suck big time when it comes to managing relatives…

21. I go nuts when I go shopping….when ever I shop I just can’t buy anything…I have to
like it in the first instant look or m not buying it….n this way I end up searching every
damn shop in the whole market n end up home empty haded….and that’s why I usually
go shopping alone!!

22. I like to take the off beaten road…the road that is less traveled….be it profession,
clothes,hobbies,friends…whatever…I don’t like being counted in the heard…though I
don’t want to stand out as well….its like I like to be there n yet be
different….confusing…dnt worry…m a gemini!!

23. when I was a kid I used to luuv cycling…. n I was pretty apt at it….i used to ride very
fast n evry few days some aunty would come home complaining to my grand mom….ha
ha once I banged into a kabadi wala on a blind turn….n he was mad at me for all his stuff lay open on the road n I couldn’t stop laughing….n m thinking of it m giggling even
now!!
Ahh…its now I can connect why I luuv driving so much…n no wonder my dad is so
anxious when m out with his car!!lol….

24. I miss my grandpa…its been 7 yrs n I still think of him n remember those times when I
just loved squeezing into his lap n he used to keep patting on my head in silence…..n u
know he was suffering so much at that time…I actually prayed to God to take him away so that he doesn’t have to bear all that pain…..I miss u a lot daddy…nobody can share
that magic that we had…

25. okay…I think I got too emotional above….n since this is the last one…I shud end it on a happy note….hmmm..ok…..i hav this mad cousin …..whenever he needs to fart he positions his bum bang infront of the face of someone and just farts!! phooooooooooooooo!!
n I have learnt this from him;)))!!!! Try it guys its real fun!!!

please feel free to tag urself!!

..light

Pondering over thoughts
And yet being thoughtless

Living & outliving lies
And contemplating truth

Shaking suppressions
And questioning the alter ego

Overcoming guilts
And discovering self

Living many lives in one
And labouring dreams

The movement

from darkness to light

and light to darkness

define life.

Random observations in the past year

It really helps to have the right perspective about one’s priorities. Clarity of one’s own thoughts makes life a little less complicated..:)

Its great to explore the unknown places. Our country is amazingly beautiful.

I find it very difficult to cook. Honest. The initial enthusiasm lasts a meal or two and then it ends up being nothing but a drudge.

Its stupid to think 'My work will automatically get me noticed'. Those days have long gone by. Its time to get yourself noticed and u need to shout it out 'this is what I can do'.

It makes perfect sense to address the issue at hand, instead of fighting it or trying to wish it away.

I hate to confess this but m sensing a generation gap between my parents and me. Now sometimes,it takes an effort on my part to reason it out with them.

I am laziness personified. Its nice for me to know that I have grown a little concerned of the way I look..earlier I gave it a damn….but now m learning to take care of myself.


When you know u are being rubbed the wrong way, give it to him/her then and there.

I thought I could judge people well.but ahem….people are like a labyrinth….guiding you the wrong way.

Your efforts pay…so work hard…workoholism as religion isn’t a bad idea …

Caffeine does help in injecting a bit of energy into u till the office clock says its time to go!!


The small things of life…make it beautiful…

scared

I am scared….for why do I feel so detached after all the happiness, after all has went well.. I feel nice but still there is a void…..why that loneliness…

Why do I wait for some soul to come and answer all my questions…to finish up all that I have left unanswered….
Do miracles really happen…or m I over sizing my goals…m scared that will I be able to achieve what I am aiming at….am I sure what m looking up to is the best, the perfect for me….

Will it be right to open up my dark secrets to anyone, will that person be trustworthy enough to not be back fire it on me….
Why am I feeling so scared to move ahead…to take risks…I have not been like this before….m feeling dependent, m holding myself back….why?

M scared..scared to move ahead coz nothing has been so hazy, so blurred before…decisions have not been so tough before…I need my guiding light to be with me once again..like everytime…..











You know one of the most difficult things in the world is to come to terms with your own self. Both your greatness and your weakness.

Those Special Moments...

Those times when sitting alone, you just smiled……

Those times with friends,in the crowded of places, you have the most philosophical conversations…

That moment when you score more than you expected to…

That moment when you make small problems turn your life upside down and then smile later at your stupidity…


Those times when u end up sharing your dark secrets with the person u have disliked all this while..

Those times when we mis-judge people and then become best of friends later on…

That moment when you think of someone and the next second, her name flashes on your cell phone….

Those times when you went to college promising yourself to attend all the lectures, but end up sitting in the lawns with your best friend and all the junk food from the canteen and endless talks…

Those times of college when you intend to go to the third floor, but end up on the terrace engrossed in conversation….

Those project trips from college, the night stays at friends place and discussing what not….

The moment when someone who is very very close to you is going away from you,its paining inside but you smile and wish no matter where they go they always be happy..

A song on radio reminding you of someone….

The first breeze of winter…

Gazing at the star studded sky, cool breeze…all alone and at peace….

The priceless smile on your face when you bump into your childhood crush…

An inspiring SMS when you are feeling all down and out…

The mild rain and long walks…..and unforgettable conversations….

20 bucks and two hungry stomachs…

3.30 am….and still eager to talk more….


All of us have had those special moments….the small things of life that make it worth living. This reminds of the scene in Bluffmaster when Boman Irani asks Abhishek Bachhan to feel those special moments in life…..all of us have ours that makes what we call nostalgia…..and leaves us with a loss of words but million dollar smiles…..

The Mindgames

Today I was over hearing a conversation between two girls seated in front of me in the bus.One of them was depressed and the other one was counseling her and repeatedly accusing her friend of thinking from the heart which leads to problems in her life. Now this caught my attention. We often talk about thinking from the heart and the head….it is commonly believed or atleast we all talk about in our daily conversations that people who supposedly are considered to think from the heart wear their emotions on their sleev whereas others who are considered to be more practical ones are not emotinal in their decisions and are good decision makers blah blah & blah... I mean, come on do we think from the heart??

Its all in the mind…..all our emotions are mindgames. Its our mind, our head that controls whatever we do and not our heart. Its pure simple logic which has been thrown out of the window in our conversations. All our emotions- love, hate, jealousy, attachment, detachment, sadness, happiness, anxiety, pressure- its all in the mind. Our mind is the controlling factor and not the heart. Wonder why that such a strong emotion like love is considered to be from the heart where in actuality or scientifically heart has no role to play.It is from our own will that we feel a particular emotion be it any. It is we who allow ourselves to love, hate,envy or feel jealousness towards aomeone. Its all in our mind and mind controls our emotions.

As I am trying to put it in words my feeling is changing from a thought to amusement for biologically heart is just an organ that controls other organs and blood circulation. It does not control our emotions…..love, hate is not from the heart….and ha ha…we all believe that it’s the heart at fault!!! It’s the heart that breaks..!! not realizing its our own mindgames, our will, our decisions that makes us do what we do….

Its all in the mind……



JUST A THOUGHT:

Never regret any thing,

bcoz at one time it was what you wanted......

dse teenage frrrandzzz

Relationships surprise me at times…

The human mind can be really complex at times…
Relationships change, equations change….do people change? Be it a friend whom you have trusted all your life with your deepest secrets which you never thought of hiding from them.



There have been friends whom you consider to be your lifeline as teenagers. They be with you through the thick and thin of things. We divulge our dreams, our nightmares, our darkest secrets without even the blink of an eye.
The moments spent are forever cherished….the fun, the frolic, the evening walks, the cards( thankfully when we were teenagers, cards were in vogue….it may sound weird but I am thankful because I have something concrete to look back at those moments. These are momentoes for me which teenagers today have replaced with the all so expensive gifts..:( ).
Coming back to the thoughts going on inside my chronically thinking head… I am thankful to the existence for developing a relation of friendship….the no give and take dosti…a world in the world…away from the nagging, cchic chic of the so called relatives whom the children in the universe find difficult to relate to!!


But all the time , things can’t be hunky dory…gradually the rabbit fun hops out, the frogy mischievousness jumps out, the snake charm slides away, the bugs in the dosti jiggle in…. And as one of my friends suggested, Murphy’s law has its place in the world….It holds valid…if anything has to go wrong…,it will…...

We just keep wondering that something is going wrong. At times our ego stops us, at times its plain laziness(or energy conservation!) to make that extra effort. But all this while, the draconian termite is making our fevicol strong wall crumble inside while we are still trying hard to polish it from outside. We grow up entering into this big bad world….meet more ‘sane’ people while we are in the process of loosing our own ‘sanity’. The complexity of the world takes on us and not even the sparks are allowed to breathe.
Time goes on, new people sneak in. We as sophisticated savages try our level best to make new best friends….to find rhythm in differently tuned in strings. At times we succed, at times we stumble and fall.

Life takes its own course and we start ignoring people who matter most to us as faded paint on the milestones on the highway we just pass by. The cards on the study table find their way into boxes and files and these files are further dumped into the darkest corner of the ‘not so important things almirah.’

And then ……the mad cleaning during the once in the five yearly whitewash plan takes you down the memory lane to those cards and friendship bands….or the social networking sites help us track them down….sometimes the sparks rekindle….sometimes we run out of words…

But are really these so great childhood friends worth loosing in this Amazonian rainforest type of world..??